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Ever since I started RQST, there has always been a survey.

On the "What should I do next?" question, there has always been an answer involving a Grand Unified Theory of Everything.

Until now.

(A Theory of Everything (or TOE) is a single theory that explains just about everything in the universe. It can be a written-out thing (like String Theory), a single line of maths (like

Tα = Bα - (
nT x ΣαT
)

n

 - more about this one later), or it can be a number (42).

A Grand Unified Theory (or GUT) is a theory that brings together quantum theory and relativity. It basically explains how gravity, electromagnetism, and atomic forces are really the same thing. (String Theory does this as well.)

A Grand Unified Theory of Everything (or GUTOE) is something I made up. It's basically a theory that does both of these. Except, since this is RQST, it's got to bring together quantum theory, relativity, gravity, electromagnetism (including East/West magnets), nuclear forces, anti-nukes, quantum socks, trigonometry (maths with triangles), and beavers.

Well, this time, Nick has come up with a few Theories of Everything.

(Don't look too closely at the maths in the first two GUTOEs. It's there to be glanced at and then hurriedly avoided to get to the final conclusion, not to be pondered about and then have twelve volumes of in-depth literature written about it explaining its deeper meanings for humanity.)


GUTOE 1

This theory is just two lines of maths based on the Tetrahedral Universe Model:

Tα = Bα - Sα

where Sα = Bα - nT

By the way, the "α" isn't just a letter a. It's the Greek letter alpha. Normally, it looks more like " α ", but the font I'm using isn't as impressive.

So, the theory actually means:

The area of a tetrahedral universe equals the area of the baking tray, minus the area of space.

The area of space equals the area of the baking tray, minus the number of universes.

However, if

Tα = Bα - Sα and Sα = Bα - nT

then

Tα = Bα - (Bα - nT)
Tα = Bα - Bα - nT
Tα = nT

Therefore, the area of a tetrahedral universe equals the number of tetrahedral universes!


GUTOE 2

If you thought the maths in that last one looked hard, well, it gets worse. This theory is another two lines of maths:

Tα = Bα - Sα

where

Sα =  (
nT x ΣαT
)

n

Roughly translated:

The area of a tetrahedral universe equals the area of the baking tray, minus the area of space.

The area of space equals the number of tetrahedral universes, multiplied by the sum of the area of the tetrahedral universes, divided by the number you first thought of. Or something.

If Tα = Bα - Sα

and

Sα =  (
nT x ΣαT
)

n

then

Tα = Bα - (
nT x ΣαT
)

n

 
T2α = TBα - (
n x Σα
)

n

T2α = TBα - Σα
T2 = TB - Σ
Σ = TB -
T2
ΣT = B - T
Σ T+T = B
Σ
2T = B
2T = B

Therefore, there are two tetrahedral universes on a baking tray!


GUTOE 3

If you were confused by the previous two GUTOEs, well, they're not meant to be understood. (If you understood them, you've probably not thought about it enough.)

The next one should be a bit more comprehensible, though. (Maybe.)

Normally, magnets repel when the same poles are brought together. North-South magnets repel, and East-West magnets repel. North-South magnets also repel East-West magnets, and vice-versa.

Well, North-West magnets and South-West magnets REALLY repel each other. They repel each other so much that it is almost impossible to bring them anywhere near each other.

However, they can be made to attract each other, if they are given enough energy from hyperfusion. (Hyperfusion is like normal nuclear fusion, but it needs a lot more energy to start it, and gives off over a thousand times as much energy as normal fusion. As a result, it can only be done in a few places in the universe.)

Hyperfusion gives off delta radiation. This can be used to kill daleks, as in the episode "The Parting of the Ways" of Doctor Who, and episodes 2 and 3 of Stick People in Space (coming soon).

Once hyperfusion makes the magnets attract, they attract with such extreme forces that anything between the magnets is crushed, and forms a nebula for no apparent reason.

The huge forces involved rip atoms apart. The shredded atoms break down into particles called pico-neutrinos. These pico-neutrinos decay away, giving off zeta radiation.

After the pico-neutrinos decay, they can bond together to form a pico-triangle (a triangular molecule of three pico-neutrinos - see the diagram).

(The symbol for a neutrino is the Greek letter nu. In this font, it looks the same as a letter v. Hence, the symbol for a pico-neutrino is "pv".

Pico-neutrinos follow the strange quantum laws about being a wave and a particle at the same time, not being there until you look, etc.

This arrangement of three pico-neutrinos in a triangle is completely stable. The pico-neutrinos will stay in that triangle shape, whatever happens.

Except, matter can collect inside the triangle.

If too much matter builds up, the triangle explodes, and each pico-neutrino breaks down into two demi-pico-neutrinos. This throws out six particles, extremely quickly. They cross the speed of light, the speed of beaver, and turn into beavers. (Very small beavers.)

At this high speed, gravity loses all effect on the demi-pico-neutrino-beavers, since they have almost no mass. They keep accelerating, until they reach the as-yet-undiscovered speed of Anti-nuke. They turn into anti-nukes, and create more universes.

In alternative universes, there could be four piconeutrinos joined together, instead of four.  Instead of a triangle, these would join together in a tetrahedron. Hence, tetrahedral universes.

These would give off eight demi-pico-neutrinos, eight demi-pico-neutrino-beavers, and therefore eight anti-nukes.


GUTOE 4

All numbers really equal 53. (See Integrification for more info.)


Well, none of these theories manage to explain everything in the universe. However, the last one does manage to more or less bring together quantum theory, relativity, gravity, electromagnetism (including East/West magnets), nuclear forces, anti-nukes, quantum socks, trigonometry (maths with triangles), and beavers.

(Near enough.)


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