Quantum Sock Theory

Socks.

One of nature's greatest unsolved mysteries.

Why is it that socks have this annoying habit of vanishing, separating, and reappearing in improbable places, miles apart from each other? This phenomenon has baffled the world's greatest thinkers for centuries, trying to contemplate why socks don't seem to use the normal laws of physics.

The answer to this is surprisingly simple -

Socks don't use the normal laws of physics!

This actually makes more sense than you may think. After all, most subatomic quantum particles don’t follow the normal laws of physics either. String theory is to do with explaining things about subatomic particles. And socks are often made of wool, cotton, or other long fibres similar to string. Therefore, we have a link between socks and quantum particles. Quantum particles follow a different set of laws of physics; socks use this alternative set of rules as well.

To socks, words like 'and', 'or', or 'therefore' do not have the same meaning as they do in the everyday world. They literally defy normal logic, and they make up their own logic as they go along.

The main reason why socks act so weirdly is that, when you aren't looking at a sock, it isn't actually there. There is no sock. There is only the probability of finding the sock in a particular place. It only decides where it is (or isn't) when you look for it. And, because socks like to be awkward, most of the time they just decide that they are not where you're looking.

(This also explains why socks normally disappear when you take your eyes of them for a second.)

Obviously, socks are much more complex than many people realise. Well, it gets weirder.

Socks appear to have this strange knowledge of where the other socks are, so they know to avoid the other one. This even applies when there are things like walls in between them, to stop the socks passing any  information (particles, waves, notes etc) between them. This effect is just as big, even when the socks are miles apart (although it makes less of a difference, since the socks are already strongly avoiding each other.

In a pair of socks, any one sock isn't a left sock or a right sock until someone looks at them. Before someone looks at one of the socks, it is both a left and a right sock, but after it is looked at, it becomes (for example) right, and at that moment, the other sock instantly becomes left. It doesn't matter how far away the two socks are from each other. There could be half the universe between the electrons, and it would still work.

However, there wouldn't really be half the universe between them, because the socks are part of the same 'system', and were never actually separated, even though there's half the universe between them.

Finally, with socks, the more you know about where one sock is, the less you know about the other sock. It is almost impossible to know the position of both socks at one point in time.